Why are relationships so important to women?

For women, the relationships that we have with others including partners, family and friends are likely to have the greatest impact on our physical and emotional wellbeing. Quality relationships play a big role in providing us with support, enjoyment, intimacy and understanding.

Sometimes it may feel easier to shut your loved ones out, either because you do not want to burden them with your health problems, or you feel that they won't understand. However, if you are able to talk to them, you may find they are a source of great comfort and support.

For women with endometriosis the support of those close to them, whether it be a partner, parent, relative, close friend or even work colleagues, can make a huge difference, especially in the long-term.

Should I tell those closest to me about my endometriosis?

Even though explaining endometriosis and how it affects you can be difficult, it can really make a positive difference to you and to your relationship if those close to you understand more about what you are going through. The decision to tell people close to you, is a very personal decision and one which only you can make depending on who you are, your situation and the people that are around youPartners

Talking about endometriosis with a new or existing partner may be daunting, but it can also be a relief to have someone close to you understand what you are going through and support you along the way. Taking your partner to gynaecological or doctor's appointments can be a good way of bettering their understanding of your condition and can help them to recognise that the symptoms you are experiencing are real.

Explaining endometriosis: What should I do?

First, choose a time that is good for them and you so they are free from distractions and able to take in what you are telling them. Start by explaining the basic physical changes of endometriosis - it may help to rehearse it in your head first. It may also be useful to provide written resources to read in their own time, rather than overwhelming them with too much information at once. Talk to them about how your experience of endometriosis affects you personally, both physically and emotionally. Go into as much or as little detail that you feel comfortable with and you think they will also feel comfortable with.

What kind of reactions can I expect?

Depending upon the relationship you have with the person you are talking to, and their own personality they may need different levels of information and respond in various ways. For example, they may be upset that you are suffering, they may not initially understand the magnitude of the condition, or they might feel uncomfortable hearing about such a personal health problem.

Partners

Talking about endometriosis with a new or existing partner may be daunting, but it can also be a relief to have someone close to you understand what you are going through and support you along the way. Taking your partner to gynaecological or doctor's appointments can be a good way of bettering their understanding of your condition and can help them to recognise that the symptoms you are experiencing are real.

Communication

Open and honest communication with your partner is absolutely vital. Your partner is not a mind reader - they won't know how you are feeling unless you tell them. Let them know how they can help and support you when you are in pain - this may help them to feel useful rather than helpless.

Sex and intimacy

When experiencing chronic pain the physical effects of having an illness, it is common for a woman's sexual desire (libido) to suffer. Sometimes reluctance to engage in sexual intimacy can occur on both sides, as partners may be fearful of hurting their partner or are worried that raising the issue will be upsetting. Rather than ignoring the problem, it is better for the relationship and future sexual experiences to discuss the physiological and emotional changes that result from endometriosis and the expectations that you have of each other. Seek help from a psychologist or relationship counsellor if necessary. For more information see Sex and intimacy

Infertility

The possibility of infertility can be a difficult topic to discuss with a partner, as can be the journey of trying to become pregnant. If a pregnancy is desired, seeking help from a fertility and relationship counsellor before proceeding can be extremely helpful in coping with the challenges you may face.  For more information see Fertility

Parents

No parent wants to hear that their child experiences chronic pain. Telling your parents about endometriosis can bring about a range of responses. They may be upset or angry that this is happening to you; they may blame themselves or feel genetically responsible for your situation; or they may think you are overreacting and deny the very existence of a problem. Like you, your parents may take some time to understand what is happening to you; however once they have, they may be able to provide you with much-needed support.

Children

It can be difficult for children to understand endometriosis, (especially young children) and even more difficult to try to explain it to them. However it can be helpful for children to at least have a basic level of understanding relevant to their level of development when it comes to your condition. They need to know why you can't do certain activities at times, why you are sometimes in pain and how they can help you when you aren't having a good day. Reassure your children that you are okay, and that your pain will come and go. Check their understanding of your experience and reassure them if necessary. As they get older, it may help to provide them with a more thorough understanding of the condition.

Work colleagues

Telling work colleagues about a personal health problem can be difficult, however it may make life a lot easier for you if the people in your workplace understand what you are going through. Telling them will really depend on you, your work colleagues and your work situation. Often women with endometriosis describe how their colleagues are quick to jump to the wrong conclusions - for example thinking you are a hypochondriac, or that you aren't a reliable worker. If they have a basic comprehension of your condition they may be more understanding as to why you may need to take more frequent sick days than most.

Try giving your colleagues some basic reading on endometriosis - or direct them to a website where they can find out more about it if they choose to. If you feel comfortable doing so, why not discuss a work from home arrangement with your boss for the days you can't quite make it to work?

Friends

Talking to your friends about endometriosis can bring about a variety of responses. Some people don't know how to act when they find out a friend has a health problem and try to brush it away with statements such as ‘you'll be right' or ‘could be worse'. Some may be upset or confused or may not be able to express how they feel. Unfortunately some friends may not be able to deal with your condition and may avoid you altogether. Be patient with your friends. Like you, they may take some time to get their head around the condition and how it may change or restrict your relationship. If your friends react in a negative way try not to take on too much of their distress or let their reaction affect you too much.

Seeking help

If you are experiencing problems in your relationships with others and it is upsetting you or affecting you emotionally, it may be useful to try relationship counselling, or to talk to a health professional, psychologist or counsellor about your concerns.

Further resources

Related articles

Relationships on our Health for Women website

When others don't understand

Websites

Relationships Australia 

Australian Psychological Society 

Content Updated March 28, 2010